Commit-a-phobia

Here's what I have to say about today.

Is it weird if a boy is obsessed with getting a girlfriend? Isn't that a girl thing...you know...aren't girls supposed to be obsessed with getting a boyfriend? What kind of boy obsesses the opposite way?

Mind you, this is the same boy I discussed at length the pros and cons of masturbation with. The same boy who said masturbation makes him feel worse than random hook-ups. Good thing I'm not giving out names here, because that is all pretty embarrassing. Still, it's on my mind right now.

I think it's all because I went to that stupid shrink and discussed my life. He was confused by it. Shocked by my problems. Informed me that three long-term hook-ups in the last two years is a lot for a nineteen-year-old girl. Way to make me feel better. If they weren't so much fun I might feel like a bad person. Maybe after a few chats with the man I will. We'll see.

Of course, that's not what I went in there to talk to the guy about. My dad made me go in to discuss my stepmom problems. In the process we discussed my commitment problems. How these discussions are going to help me do anything with anyone, I do not know. Maybe if I'm lucky it'll give me enough balls to tempt hot-lit-boy. Too bad right now all I'm looking for is a hook-up. In other words...I still have a problem. Dammit.

Maybe it's not a problem so much as a gift. Maybe my life will work out. Maybe I will be more like Sex and the City's Keri than I ever could have imagined.

Or maybe I'll just have commitment-phobia for the rest of my life and end up having the baby of my best friend and having to raise the poor kid alone.