Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

So I'm gonna be honest with you. When I first heard RJA, I was not such a big fan. And then I heard Face Down, and my life changed. Now, I'm here promoting the band in all their awesome glory. And while I'm at it, you all should definitely check out the new video for False Pretense and try to figure out who killed Ronnie. Because it is the question of the hour :)

Feeling down

Today I feel like shit. And not "shit" as in "I feel kinda sucky" but "shit" as in "I feel like dog crap." I think everyone has a moment in her life when her friends turn against her for no good reason she can deduce. Usually, this happens around 8th grade. I guess there's just still drama in college.

Yesterday the girls all deccided to go take care of a group gift thing. They decided to leave while I was at work and text me informing me of their decision. I got the message after work and was told I could meet them at the mall if I wanted. I had a meeting last night. I wanted to go talk to the paper about the position of associate while they were doing some editing. I was gonna make myself dinner. I was given the ultimatem: come to the mall or you're not included in the gift anymore.

Stupid gift was important to me, so I went. I was pissed and quiet, but I went. Then I left, in the hope that I could still get to that associate chat if I got home early enough. I failed. They got home a couple hours later and didn't say hello. They headed to the bedroom, where they sat on the bed and chatted for at least 2 hours. I watched Grey's, did some homework, and took a shower. Each time I entered the room, no response. Afterward I climbed into bed to do some reading. Nothing.

So I woke up early today to talk to the shrink. Afterward, I came home. I was ignored. I eventually had to leave for class, but one of the roomies has that class with me. I told her I was going to leave and her response was, "Fine."

The rest of the day was spent in awkward silence. I decided to make an effort to figure things out a few hours ago. I got ignored. I'm supposed to be at a basketball game in a bit, but I'm not going because some people are pissed off at me for some reason. I feel like shit and have been bawling my eyes out for the past few hours. I can't talk to anyone because those people I am close to who are not them are either at work or at the game. I'm not mad; I just want some answers. I'm confused, I'm really hurt, and I still know that somehow this will all be blamed on me.

I really want to go home right now. I would, but I have to work tomorrow. I came within inches of trying to find someone to cover for me, just so I could leave. I called Faddy but he didn't answer the phone. I am going to die. This is one of those moments for which suicide was invented. I have never felt so shitty in my life. Good thing I'm not the dying type, or I might seriously consider jumping off the Gilman Parking Structure. If you read this, I don't need help. I won't ever try to kill myself.

I can't seem to function right now, which really bites because I need to do some homework. Instead I will apparently just sit here and wait...because I can't face the rejection right now at the game. That'll probably be turned against me too. Like, you didn't even want to come hang out with us. Well if they'd seen me sobbing for the past few hours, maybe things would be different. Doubtful, but there's a chance.

I wonder if Grandma's home yet. Maybe I should go see her. I told my mom I could go to the work party but I've reached the point where I really don't want to do anything but sit here in a robe with a ccup of cocoa and cry. Too bad I'm not even wearing a robe. Or drinking cocoa. Damn.

It's not like I don't have other friends. It's just that those girls are the ones I'm close to. I can't talk to someone else because there is no one else to talk to. I just want to go home. I am so done with this whole school thing.

Plus I may be PMSing. And Jacob's doing worse and Grandpa's in the hospital sedated and restrained.

And I may have missed out on my chance at associate because I had to meet them to deal with that gift.

And I cancelled some stuff Saturday to do the gift then. Thank God I could still reschedule that.

Wow, so writing this really helped me cool down a bit. At least I'm not sobbing anymore. I should go fix my make-up before the wrong person walks in on me. God, I hate this.

What Happens in the Rain...Stays in the Rain

Today is Tuesday. If you know me, you know how I feel about Tuesdays. It looks like it's a beautiful day but as it would happen you step foot out the door and freeze your ass off. I even talked with some random girl in the elevator about the frigid air. Aren't I just too cool?

Tell me why my c key types two c's everytime I push it. I swear to God I hit backspace so many times (two just in the word backspace) just to get the c's right it makes me wanna shoot somethin'. See how when I talk about shootin' somethin' I slip into that ol' country drawl ya'll.

Yesterday it rained. You know how they say that al the freaks come out when it rains? Soooo true. In one day I saw three freaks. That's saying something.

It all started when I was walking down the path, minding my own business, and this guy comes walking toward me. He full on stops me in the path and goes, "Hey, you work at Jamba Juice, right?" So I go, "Uh...yeah..." and he says, "Do you remember me? You made my smoothie last night! I come in every Sunday..." Totally didn't remember him. Totally nodded like an idiot and pretended I did. Seriously, who does that??

Then I was walking back from the gym and this Land Rover full of people honks at me and yells something out the window. They parked and got out of the car and there was a girl with them. I'd have killed the boys I was driving with if one of them had done that to someone while I was in the car. One time, I was at the park with my six-year-old cousin and he was out playing Star Wars with some other little kid he'd met there. This jerk in a...LAND ROVER...totally drove by and yelled in that mocking voice "Hey kid, I like your red shirt!" Lucky for my cousin, he's too young to get that the guy was being an ass, but I almost yelled some not-so-nice words back at him. Too bad the guy was huge and he probably would have come beat me up if I had. But anyway.

Freak number three came when I was heading bacck from a meeting. This boy comes whizzing by me on his skateboard. He's riding on one foot, flamingo-style. It's raining. He's got an old-fashioned pipe hanging out his mouth. I don't even know.

I also met with this guy from theatre who I thought was a freak before I met with him. Turns out he's a nice guy, in that whole he's-not-so-cute-but-he'd-probably-be-the-sort-of-guy-you-ought-to-marry way. Mathematiccs major. Yawn. But he's got the intellectual stimulation thing going for him, so maybe someday he'll find a nice girl and be happy. I'll hope he will anyway.

I've really gotta go do some homework now...which just makes all of y'all reading this super jealous, I know. If you want, maybe I'll let you read some of the books for me. Just because I am THAT generous.

Oops...

Ireland I love. Housing I hate. Tell me why good things are always attached to bad things?!?

Whatever *deep breath* I'm going to be okay.

So last night we had a little card-playing shindig. I'm not gonna name names but certain people were getting pretty close to certain other people. And why do I always TALK so damn much when I've been drinking?? I swore not to tell anyone the names of any persons I'd ever kissed and summer situations all just poured out. Pisses me off a bit now that it's morning. I knew I'd regret it the moment I spoke too. Dammit.

So this was the shortest entry ever but I'm done. Asta la-bye-bye.

Friday After Work

Ray is officially the slowest closer ever. I was okay with that, though, 'cause it was a pretty damn fun day at work until I got home to a...DRUMROLL PLEASE...empty apartment. Again. For, like, the hundredth time. Of course, when I am home these people don't do anything fun. But whenever I have to work...off they head to a party. I am so bitter right now it's not even funny. It just really really pisses me off.

But ah, wait. I just did a quick inventory check and two (yes, two) computers are missing. This means they probably went to the library, in which case I no longer am bitter. In that case, my night was hella good, even if it did take about an hour longer than it should have for us to close.

Okay, then, I'm done with this. Bye bye.

Irish Murder

I chatted with the psycho doctor again today. I was in sort of a bad mood 'cause I had to wake up at 7:00 and then I had to not do my hair and then I had to walk to his office, but then once I got there it got okay. I had to pay ten bucks today. Stupid people.

I'm pretty much certain that VMT are going to do something today without me. I'm also pretty much certain that they're having a party tomorrow night without me. Sometimes it really sucks to be so out of the loop. I've reached the point where I really doubt they will want to live with me again next year, which mean thank god for Meesh and Specs since that's probably gonna be my actual home.

Which reminds me, God I hope my application got to that DBS program. God I hope I get in. I told someone the other night that I don't think I even wanted to get into college as badly as I want to get into this. When (If?) I do get in, I plan to make an announcement and inform these folksies that I want in on the housing situation so if there's a problem with that I can get it all worked out before it's too late.

My dad came to visit yesterday for a few hours, which was pretty cool. I gave him a tour of the school and we went to lunch and to the grocery store (woohoo!) and he brought me some of Grandma's brownies and rice pilaf (not together, that's nasty).

I got jury duty. I may have already written about it but it's still on my mind so deal with it. I called the hotline and it went on and on about how you can only defer your duty for 3 months and then you can't defer it again, which sucks because that causes serious school conflict issues! Now I will have to do day-after-Christmas duty and if I get called in I swear to God I will murder someone myself (only then they'd need to find a jury for my trial and I don't want to put anyone else through that misery either...a strong of murders could result).

I should be writing a paper on Hamlet's madness. Maybe I'll just compare Hamlet to me and call it a day. Geez it's early still. I feel like I've been up forever.

Could be worse, I suppose. At least I don't have to open at work this weekend.

Work and school

Done at work again and starting to get sick of smoothies. Bleh.

I hate closing shifts. I really hate people who come into Jamba at 9:50 when we close at 10:00 and then order like 12 smoothies. Seriously. Don't come in that late. It sucks.

It rained today. It's supposed to be beautiful tomorrow. Talk about a contradiction in terms.

I want to go to the beach. I have to write an essay. Plus it rained.

At work today my detail was "Write Santa Maria's Hum Essay." See how this takes over my life? Work and hum...they can't even stay separated anymore.

Tomorrow I've got to call somebody about my jury duty. And I've got to call my sister. It's her birthday, after all. She's sort of old now. Too bad she's not doing anything fancy for her 13th or I would go home. Again.

I've got to go to bed. This is the most disjointed entry I've ever written.

P.S. I can go to a Guardian party Saturday night. Do I go or not? Opinions welcome.